Last year, January 2009, about 3 months after we lost Liam, we learned of the horrible truth that our wee kitty has a heart condition. From there on, he was on borrowed time. I was so crushed, I started grieving his loss from that day on. Unexpectedly, with his determination and love of life and with the help of numerous medicines every day, he managed to live almost 14 months after his diagnosis.
On the evening of March 23rd I noticed that he was breathing strange. I started to cry immediately because those are the first signs of deterioration with this disease. That was around midnight. I cried and cried and then went upstairs to bed thinking we still had a couple of days maybe a couple of weeks if we're lucky before he goes. Around 12:45am I heard him on the stairs, he was looking downstairs at the dog, he was on two steps, which made him lean forward and I could hear him coughing because of fluid in his lungs from leaning forward. I picked him up and carried him to the bedroom as I listened to him breathing. There was clearly fluid in there. I woke up my husband crying and saying "he's got fluid" or something along those lines. I was hysterical but in a calm way, if that makes sense.
From there on we got dressed and thought to take him to the emergency vet. But we took him downstairs and he started playing with a mousey. So we thought to maybe take him to his regular vet in the morning at 8am. We watched him play with his mousey in awe, in disbelief, in mourning until about 1:20am when he decided to stop. He walked over to the hallway and I watched him lose his balance and collapse. Immediately he started to poop himself as he lay there just "out of it" but still conscious. We got a towel and picked him up and got ready to go to the vet within a minute or so. We got to the front door and he let out a big meow and started wanting out of my arms. So I put the towel with him in it on the floor and he immediately passed out. A and I were both crying hysterically because it was looking like he was dying right there in front of our eyes. But he came back! This is called Syncopy and often happens before paralysis kicks in, from a lack of oxygen to the brain.
We rushed to the emergency vet, A ran every red light there was while I held our little man, speaking to him softly. He was just looking around the car and at all the passing lights, with his big green eyes. He looked so normal. But I know he wasn't because he didn't fight me, he just let us take him in the car. He usually hates car rides. He was too weak to fight.
We got him there and after some history taking we decided to put him down. We knew it was his time, his legs were starting to get paralyzed and he was peeing himself.
It was so hard. We held our little man before we let him pass. I held his head while he went to sleep forever and then we kissed him and petted him for a few minutes after. He passed away around 2:30am on the morning of March 24th, 2010. A short two years after we first brought him home.
I am having a hard time coping to say the least. He became my baby when I lost my baby. He became my little man. I babied him so much because I knew he was on borrowed time. I wanted to cherish every day with him and I did. Every ... single... day. Not a day went by that I took him and him being alive for granted. Not a single day.
The grief and pain in my stomach are so much to bare. It doesn't seem to be getting easier but I know eventually it will. The house is so quiet without him. He was a kitten at heart and he would have been forever if he lived that long. I keep waiting for him to walk around the corner, I keep hearing him, I keep dreaming about him. I yell out his name in agony of my grief.
We miss the way he used to wake daddy up in the mornings by sitting on him and pawing his chin. We miss how he always played with the dog leash, how he never let us tie our shoes because he just had to play with the shoe strings. We miss how he always talked, even when there was no one around. He always ran around, even though his little heart would tire him out. He always wanted to fetch. He always slept under the bed and then made his way between us late at night. When he stretched he made a squeaky little noise, like "mmmm I'm content"... mostly we miss how he was always around. No matter what room you were in, he would be there. And no matter how you felt, angry, sad, upset, cranky... he always loved you unconditionally.
We miss our little man, it will never be the same without him again. Thank you for being there for us little poop. You were/are SO loved by all of us, Bibbi, Bubba, Corky, mommy and daddy. We will never forget you.
