Ultrasound Results

We decided to head to the clinic this morning and check things out. Honestly I felt a little silly because the bleeding had stopped and so did the cramping. When I was in the ultrasound room the tech was being all weird, she kept squinting at the screen, then saying "hmmmmm..." then she asked if we had IVF. So finally I was like "ok woman, is there or is there not a heartbeat??" and she said "yes"..phew. Then she told me to empty my bladder and go ask my husband to come in. Except I was wearing a backless paper gown and she expected me to go find him in the waiting room??? <--- pregnancy hormones = freaking out

Anyways, so he got to see our little babe this time around but he said she kept measuring something other than the baby. So later when the nurse asked to cover the results with me she said that the baby is measuring 7w2d which is right on target, had a heartbeat of 152bpm and just looking at the picture I could tell baby had grown to the full size of my uterus.

So she proceeded to say that there is a small bleed inside of my uterus, she used the term subchorionic bleed and suggested I stay on bed rest and take it easy for a while. She said most of the times these things correct themselves, sometimes you will have it all the way through pregnancy and very rarely it can turn into a major hemorrhage.

I'm just happy the baby is still ok, and I will go on my bedrest and take it easy, whatever it takes to heal this.

Spotting

Well I woke up today and walking towards the bathroom I thought "hmm I don't feel pregnant". I did my deed and found a small bit of red blood, like a string. Boy did I have a heartattack!! I decided not to say anything to A in hope that it was just a fluke, maybe I inserted my progesterone a bit too rough, who knows. But then 15 mins later I checked again and another red string. So I told him.

The cramping started shortly thereafter, but the good news is that no spotting since. My bbs are nowhere near as sore as they were yesterday so I have pretty much given up. I just can't believe that we saw a healthy heartbeat 4 days ago and now there's a possibility, a high one, that we might lose this baby. I was just thinking nice thoughts yesterday about how life will be with our baby and how we SO deserve this after the hell we've been through the last 2 years. And now this...

We will be going to the clinic tomorrow morning during cycle monitoring hours. There's wont' be a doctor there but the nurse and lab techs will there so maybe they can squeeze me in for an ultrasound. I won't be fully convinced even if they do find a heartbeat still but at least I'll know whether we are still in the game even if it's for one more day.

Ironic thing, we just ordered a doppler yesterday to ease our minds :( won't be here til Thursday.

So here's praying that everything is fine...but I highly doubt it. I just have a bad feeling and I hope I'm SO WRONG.

First Ultrasound!!

We had our first ultrasound yesterday morning. We were so nerve wracked, expecting the worst but hoping for the best..I remember going into the room and lying down and my heart was just pounding out of my chest. The technician was so silent you could hear a pin drop until she said..."go empty your bladder and then I'll do some measurements and then you can see the baby". Those were the greatest words I've ever heard! "The baby"...so instead of getting up I said "baby? there's a baby??" she smiled and said "of course". Whatever, lol...I've been thinking there's an empty sack in there this whole time so she probably just thought I was crazy for thinking there isn't a baby in there.

Plus my symptoms have been pretty much under control so of course I didn't feel like there was a baby in there. But there is!! "She?" is measuring 6 weeks 4 days but according to when I ovulate I was supposed to be 6 weeks 6 days that day. Oh well doctor says it's fine. Her heartbeat is 122bpm and she was .67 centimeters.

Our next ultrasound is in 4 weeks and then again 2 weeks after that for the IPS testing. I look forward to the IPS ultrasound because last time I was able to tell that we were having a boy and I was only 13 weeks along!

I know there are still chances of this not working out but I feel a bit more relieved now knowing they found the heartbeat. I'll post the scan of it soon, just trying to get the scanner to cooperate :)

4th and Last hCG! We are on our way!

Well, I finally had my 4th beta and it came out at a great 8853! Which I think could mean we are well on our way to possibly having this baby. We have our first ultrasound February 23rd so of course I will be thinking about that day and worrying but so far so good. Also my symptoms are starting to increase a bit so I'm really happy about that. Nausea usually hits at night time so that's comforting to me.

Today I've been thinking a lot though. It could be because I'm weaning off my antidepressants but I'm starting to think about death a lot and having a lot of anxiety about that. I just keep thinking what if; what if this baby doesn't make it through birth, what if I don't make it through birth, what if we both don't make it. I just can't help but feel terrible. Like this will never happen for us. I guess things look different in the eyes of someone who has been through nothing but loss relating to pregnancy and babies.

It will take a lot for me to stay strong the next few months. It will take a lot to convince myself that everything will be okay.

In the meantime, I will try to enjoy this pregnancy, this is my element..I love being pregnant and making a life. I love it. :)

5 Weeks!!

Okay so I'm 5 weeks today and thrilled, naturally! But I can't help but feel paranoid still. I think I will have this feeling until I'm a) viciously ill or b) see a heartbeat or c) see a heartbeat AND be viciously ill.

I have beta #4 this weekend and I'm so nervous for the numbers. I feel nothing, other than really sore gums and slightly sore nippies. Oh and of course I'm so irritable I'm ready to chop everyone's heads off. But that's progesterone there...

Anywho will update after the 4th beta...I'm sooooooo nervous for it :(

3rd Beta - 17dpo

Thanks ladies for the well wishes! I did receive my beta for today and it's 855 which jumped from 353 two days ago. I'm very happy about that but of course still paranoid. Now I'm like "well why didn't it triple like the last one??" Anyways I have to relax and just keep praying that this works out.

I have another beta next Saturday and then the first ultrasound sometime at the end of February! Amazing! I hope there's a little heartbeat in there, I really do!!

Wish us luck!!

2nd Beta

Okay so as hard as the last two days were, we finally went for the second beta and we're happy to announce that the numbers have more than tripled!!

Beta at 13dpo was 103 and at 15dpo was 353! So that's wonderful. We're going for yet another one on Saturday so I hope the numbers keep rising. Then one final one the week after Saturday.

I have no symptoms right now that I would even attribute to pregnancy. Nothing compared to last time that's for sure. I almost want the nausea to just hit head on so I have my daily confirmation that everything is ok.

I am so happy I can't even describe this feeling!!

Update - Pregnant??

Well our first IUI was a flop. I really felt deflated after I got my period because I had such good odds. Good numbers all around.

Kim, an IUI is an intra uterine insemination. They basically take the sperm and just help it get closer to the eggs with a catheter. I was on injectable meds and produced about 6 eggies with the first IUI.

December we had to take off because the clinic was closed. Then we decided to do IUI#2 with my January cycle. I had really low hopes, I only produced 2 eggies and the numbers weren't good. So shortly after we had the IUI we decided to sign up for IVF orientation. By shortly I mean 15 minutes after the procedure lol. My IVF orientation is booked for February 23rd and we saved a cool $750 towards IVF already in January alone.

On 10 days past ovulation, my hubby and I went to a Leaf's game. I had 2 beers, but with such low hopes for anything working I didn't feel guilty. On 11 days past ovulation I felt horrible horrible period cramps and knew that my period was coming. Hubby and I went out to get some wine and beer and have a movie night. But on our way home I thought, lets get some pregnancy tests just to make sure ... you know "juuuust in caaase". Well I peed on the test and immediately a huuuuge BFP came up!! Of course we put it off as HCG from the trigger shot still being in my system. I tested again on 12dpo and it was darker.

I am 13 days past our 2nd IUI and my blood test came back as 103. Which the nurse said was wonderful! So I am officially pregnant!!!

We're going back Thursday of this week to make sure the numbers are doubling and I won't relax until I see that. I have absolutely no symptoms...other than being very irritable. So I'm having a hard time accepting the pregnancy. My last one I was so sick and symptomatic it was insane.

We had a nice cry yesterday...I think the emotions are all over the place. We're happy to finally have made it here after 15 GRUELLING cycles. But we are sad because our son is not with us. I went into his nursery yesterday and there was this black cloud lifted. It did not feel like a room for mourning but instead a room for growth and life. I am sure he will be proud of his little brother or sister and would want nothing less than to have him/her receive all of his treasured things.

We are absolutely over the moon and we just pray that this little bean will stick!!!