1st IUI Cycle

Well we did it! We committed to having an IUI cycle. Basically we went in for a trial wash and the numbers came out lower than the FS would like to see but we decided to take our chances anyways. Not only that but we went straight for the big guns; injectables! It's been tough to say the least, with my work hours being so crazy. I had to tell my boss what we were up to because I was coming in late every other day.

I've responded really well to the meds at a low dose so that's good. I'm on CD10 right now with 4 good follies so hopefully they'll all release an egg. I think we're scheduled for the IUI in about 2-3 days, it's double so 2 days in a row. Then the longest 2WW of our lives.

If this cycle doesn't work then we'll do 1 more in early 2010. If that doesn't work then IVF in April when I'm done my contract. I can't imagine how much work I'd miss with IVF if I miss this much with just IUI.

My ovaries feel like they're going to burst. And hubby and I have reached a whole new level of intimacy yet again. He's injecting me in the belly every day :)

Please pray this will work for us...if not we will be sad but keep truckin' since that is our only option.

IUI or IVF?

Well I haven't posted in a while, I just have been so busy at work. 11 hour days, and in the next 19 days I only get one day off, which is today. I am completely behind in my course that I took on in September, right before I knew I had a new job. I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish it by February.

I'm afraid I'm not bearing good news. I'm not sure if we will be able to do IUI at this point, I just don't think it will be feasible. At first the FS booked us in, we had our orientation, very excited to go ahead with IUI. I am supposed to go in on my CD 3 to start all of this, which will be in about 8 days. But I think it will be a waste of money. I mean with it our chances right now are very slim. So I am rethinking the whole thing. We will take time off until January and then re-evaluate. In the meantime, try to get a loan somewhere for another $10,000 in case we have to go ahead, so we are prepared. It's been hard trying to accept that IVF might be our only option. I am having a major shock to my body right now trying to figure out how to get a loan for another 10 grand (we just BARELY got one for $8,000 for our son's lawyer). And when I say barely, I mean barely because my school debt is so high. It is more than half of my income.

So I left a message for our FS to call us and see if she even thinks IUI would be a waste of money or not. I don't want to go ahead and just throw money out. If it was like $300 per cycle then I would do it for a few cycles. But it's $375 for the 1st IUI, then $225 for the 2nd (they like to do 2), then $80 for clomid, and $86 for the the trigger shot and then I don't know how much for the progesterone. So we are looking at $800 per IUI cycle. I would love to switch clinics to get a cheaper rate somewhere up north or out west but honestly I just cant' with my work hours. I can't justify driving 1.5 hours each way to a cheaper clinic and having to take the day off work for it (unpaid because I'm on contract). So we'll see when she calls next week. If she says IVF then we'll wait until the new year and start with that then IF we can find someone to cosign for a loan for us.

I am feeling deflated about the whole thing, to say the least....I just want to hear the voices of our children in this house, lighting it up with their laughter and smiles. Why is that so hard to have? Why does it feel like we are being punished? :(

~ Liam ~

It is Liam's birthday today...5:47am, November 2nd, 2008.

We miss our little boy.

I hope he is peaceful wherever he may be.

Myco be gone!!

I can't believe it!! My mycoplasma infection is gone! I honestly didn't think I would ever get rid of it. This journey with the FS started in July and with all the antibiotic taking and testing for myco it's been 3 months. I am so happy about this because it's one thing off the list and we are one step closer to being parents again. Now, we just wait for some results for an SA and see if we can go ahead with IUI or if we have to wait for IVF. If it's IVF then unfortunately parenting is going to have to wait until we can save up enough money which might take a few years.

Anyways, SUPER excited that one thing is off the list!!

Another day, another dollar..

I'm writing this post from my wonderful new job so I have to keep this short. Good news on the front, we got approval for a loan for the retainer fee for the lawyer. The retainer fee will cover him going to specialists to review the autopsy report and write a report and opinion of their own which we can use as evidence. So I'm very happy about that, we will sign final papers on Friday and get the payment out to the laywer hopefully by next week so we can get things started.

Also, I went to get retested for my infection. After 2 weeks of antibiotics, I started to bruise extremely easily so the FS had me stop the pills right away. She said it looks like I have an allergy to this family of antibiotics which treats mycoplasma. But she retested me first to see if the 2 weeks have cleared it up, if not then on to a new plan. She said if it's cleared then "we'll see about getting you guys pregnant". I loved hearing those words.

There's a jackass here at my work who kept commenting at me. He has this thing where he says "it's cuz you're pregnant" for everything. If I say I'm warm, "it's cuz you're pregnant", if I say "I'm stressed" - "it's cuz you're pregnant". So after coming back from the FS he said it again and I just lost it on him and told him he's an ass and that I can't get pregnant and to shove it. He put his head down like a scolded animal and shut up real quick.

It's nearing the 1 year mark for our loss. I've been really anxious and sad to say the least. I just keep reminiscing about what I was doing last year at this time. *sigh*