IUI or IVF?

Well I haven't posted in a while, I just have been so busy at work. 11 hour days, and in the next 19 days I only get one day off, which is today. I am completely behind in my course that I took on in September, right before I knew I had a new job. I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish it by February.

I'm afraid I'm not bearing good news. I'm not sure if we will be able to do IUI at this point, I just don't think it will be feasible. At first the FS booked us in, we had our orientation, very excited to go ahead with IUI. I am supposed to go in on my CD 3 to start all of this, which will be in about 8 days. But I think it will be a waste of money. I mean with it our chances right now are very slim. So I am rethinking the whole thing. We will take time off until January and then re-evaluate. In the meantime, try to get a loan somewhere for another $10,000 in case we have to go ahead, so we are prepared. It's been hard trying to accept that IVF might be our only option. I am having a major shock to my body right now trying to figure out how to get a loan for another 10 grand (we just BARELY got one for $8,000 for our son's lawyer). And when I say barely, I mean barely because my school debt is so high. It is more than half of my income.

So I left a message for our FS to call us and see if she even thinks IUI would be a waste of money or not. I don't want to go ahead and just throw money out. If it was like $300 per cycle then I would do it for a few cycles. But it's $375 for the 1st IUI, then $225 for the 2nd (they like to do 2), then $80 for clomid, and $86 for the the trigger shot and then I don't know how much for the progesterone. So we are looking at $800 per IUI cycle. I would love to switch clinics to get a cheaper rate somewhere up north or out west but honestly I just cant' with my work hours. I can't justify driving 1.5 hours each way to a cheaper clinic and having to take the day off work for it (unpaid because I'm on contract). So we'll see when she calls next week. If she says IVF then we'll wait until the new year and start with that then IF we can find someone to cosign for a loan for us.

I am feeling deflated about the whole thing, to say the least....I just want to hear the voices of our children in this house, lighting it up with their laughter and smiles. Why is that so hard to have? Why does it feel like we are being punished? :(