3 Weeks!

Our little munchkin is 3 weeks old already! Where does the time go??

She is up to 1000 grams now, which I think is something like 2.2 pounds. I'm so proud of her fighting so strong, and honestly I feel so guilty here bitching about how I'm tired and my breasts hurt and there's not enough time in the day etc. She has it so rough right now and she is such a trooper.

Can't wait until she's a month old! Just one week left!

Suburban Life - With a Twist

I started to think, as I was watering our plants on our cute white picket porch, at our cute suburban home with professionally landscaped front yard and 2 brand new cars, the dog looking out the front window and our 3 cats running around playing. With a new daughter and all, we seem like your typical family, if you see it on paper that is.

I guess it's strange, you never know what the history of each person is that you meet. For someone looking in on us, we seem like the new young couple who just had a daughter with our perfect little new lives together. They don't know that it took 15 long cycles to conceive her, that she's in the NICU and barely made it herself, that she is our second child, and that we had a horrid tragedy that caused our first born child's death. They don't know the hardships. And to tell you the truth, I think we hide it pretty well. We are still able to laugh at ourselves and go on with our daily routines. You would never be able to tell the hell we've been through the last 2 years.

I think back beyond two years ago...back to when I met my husband and we were so carefree and young ... or well at least he was young. :) Anyways, we didn't have a care in the world except for maybe passing our finals so we could graduate college. I remember one night, we were sitting in my dorm room and I had this weird premonition. (I wonder if he remembers)...I thought of the idea of an 'Anna' and just had this strange feeling that he would love this Anna person so much, that she would be the love of his life. At the time I didn't realize it would be this kind of love; the love for a child. It's strange how we get these "feelings". Just like how I felt that we would never bring our son home from the hospital.

Anyways...here we are, 4 years later in our twisted suburban life. Our perfect but not so perfect life. The one thing I didn't see was how much love I myself would have for this "Anna" person. You truly can't describe the joy, the love, the overall euphoric feeling a child gives a parent. Watching her grow.....it's just incredible.

I wish her big brother was here with us.

Just thinking...

It's so funny...if I only knew she would be here in July. :) I just re-read some of my older posts from when I was pregnant. We had a 3D scan booked for July 10th because we were so anxious to see what Anna would look like. It would still have been nice to have but she's funny she did mommy and daddy a favour and saved us $200 by coming a few days before the ultrasound instead of just a few days after. (Can you tell I'm trying to be positive??) So we get to look at her every day in 4D. I would still like for her to be in my belly instead of an incubator, but we are so lucky to get to see our little girl any time we want to.

She's come a long way...

While sitting incubator-side we were marveling at our little girl and how far she's come in the last two weeks. Although still fragile, it's unbelievable how much girth and strength these little ones have.

Tonight, we watched in astonishment as the nurse gave her a pacifier and she suckled it for a few hours. It was incredible, she looked like a full term baby, it was SO hard not to whisk her out of her incubator and just bring her home. Of course, mommy and daddy clearly had 'baby brain' today as we forgot the camera at home. Anyways, it's a really great step for her because most babies have trouble with their sucking reflex, especially this early on. She is clearly a pro at this already! :) She is also past her birth weight of 913 grams and is up to 935 grams and 11ml of milk every 2 hours. I think the nurse mentioned that a full feed is 12 ml (or cc's as they say).

The small things that most people take for granted with their newborns, we cherish and view as an enormous step in her coming home one day. I remember waking up after my surgery and just crying uncontrollably. The nurses couldn't understand why. But in my mind, I just couldn't fathom how they could save a baby that was only 26 weeks gestation. In my mind, we had lost her already. So for me, it has been an incredible journey to see her grow each day, since I didn't think she would make it past the first day. I am now finally beginning to think...no, beginning to KNOW that we WILL bring her home one day...it's only a matter of time.

Amazing...

I just can't believe that I was pregnant just a few short days ago. Sometimes I catch myself walking around the house and realizing I'm not pregnant anymore. It's tough on good days. It just brings back so many memories of 2008 and I honestly am still horrified at the thought of how everything went down 6 days ago. I was doing laundry and found my clothes in the basement from the hospital. I have never seen so much blood in my life and had a small panic attack.

But the important thing is that our little girl is doing well. She is coming along so well and she is definitely a fighter. I will feel better when she reaches 30 weeks (or 4 weeks of age that is). Then I might relax a bit. She is just so tiny so it's hard to stay positive and think that babies DO survive being born this early.

As for me, I'm officially banned from the NICU. I caught a nasty cold with an even nastier cough sometime in the last few days. NOT fun when you just had abdominal surgery but I'm trying to get better so I can go see our little girl again soon.

Here is a picture of her smiling...she has daddy's dimples! :)