I can't believe it!! My mycoplasma infection is gone! I honestly didn't think I would ever get rid of it. This journey with the FS started in July and with all the antibiotic taking and testing for myco it's been 3 months. I am so happy about this because it's one thing off the list and we are one step closer to being parents again. Now, we just wait for some results for an SA and see if we can go ahead with IUI or if we have to wait for IVF. If it's IVF then unfortunately parenting is going to have to wait until we can save up enough money which might take a few years.
Anyways, SUPER excited that one thing is off the list!!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Another day, another dollar..
I'm writing this post from my wonderful new job so I have to keep this short. Good news on the front, we got approval for a loan for the retainer fee for the lawyer. The retainer fee will cover him going to specialists to review the autopsy report and write a report and opinion of their own which we can use as evidence. So I'm very happy about that, we will sign final papers on Friday and get the payment out to the laywer hopefully by next week so we can get things started.
Also, I went to get retested for my infection. After 2 weeks of antibiotics, I started to bruise extremely easily so the FS had me stop the pills right away. She said it looks like I have an allergy to this family of antibiotics which treats mycoplasma. But she retested me first to see if the 2 weeks have cleared it up, if not then on to a new plan. She said if it's cleared then "we'll see about getting you guys pregnant". I loved hearing those words.
There's a jackass here at my work who kept commenting at me. He has this thing where he says "it's cuz you're pregnant" for everything. If I say I'm warm, "it's cuz you're pregnant", if I say "I'm stressed" - "it's cuz you're pregnant". So after coming back from the FS he said it again and I just lost it on him and told him he's an ass and that I can't get pregnant and to shove it. He put his head down like a scolded animal and shut up real quick.
It's nearing the 1 year mark for our loss. I've been really anxious and sad to say the least. I just keep reminiscing about what I was doing last year at this time. *sigh*
Also, I went to get retested for my infection. After 2 weeks of antibiotics, I started to bruise extremely easily so the FS had me stop the pills right away. She said it looks like I have an allergy to this family of antibiotics which treats mycoplasma. But she retested me first to see if the 2 weeks have cleared it up, if not then on to a new plan. She said if it's cleared then "we'll see about getting you guys pregnant". I loved hearing those words.
There's a jackass here at my work who kept commenting at me. He has this thing where he says "it's cuz you're pregnant" for everything. If I say I'm warm, "it's cuz you're pregnant", if I say "I'm stressed" - "it's cuz you're pregnant". So after coming back from the FS he said it again and I just lost it on him and told him he's an ass and that I can't get pregnant and to shove it. He put his head down like a scolded animal and shut up real quick.
It's nearing the 1 year mark for our loss. I've been really anxious and sad to say the least. I just keep reminiscing about what I was doing last year at this time. *sigh*
Friday, September 18, 2009
Marley
Well, it's been a while since I posted. I think it's because since starting these anti-anxiety pills I haven't been thinking and over analyzing things as much. I've been able to cope better and not over-think every detail of my life. It's so strange, like the voice in my head, the one that kept blabbing about how much life sucks, has finally been muzzled.
But on to what's new...or old. Just found out this week that the mycoplasma infection is still there. :( That means another round of antibiotics but this time for 28 days. Then 1 week wait to be retested and then 3 weeks to wait for the results after that. So it's going to be a long time before we can even think of trying let alone a pregnancy. I was upset at first, but then the antidepressant kicked in (ha) and said "no look at this as a positive thing" :) ...so we'll take something positive out of this and use this time to work on our relationship and strengthening it. Don't get me wrong, I am so SO bitter about not being able to try but I guess I have to let go of my control issues and just let the antibiotic do its thing. I just pray that I am able to clear the infection. I read that some people can't clear it at all, for some it takes a whole year and for some the only thing that clears it is IV antibiotics. Yikes...I knew the first round of 5 day antibiotics wouldn't clear it. I just had a feeling. I love my feelings, they are always right.
Anyways on the plus side, we're getting a dog!!
His name is Marley and he's so cute, we haven't met him and are only on stage 3 of the adoption process but we're hoping in another week or two we'll be able to bring him home to meet his new family. We started the process three weeks ago so I truly hope it's soon. We love animals and I think if we had a huge-huge house, we'd probably adopt even more. I don't know how I'm going to keep up with all the hair. I can already make a daily pillow out of our cats shedded hair. Also, another new thing, I finally found a job. Wow...that feels good to write. I hope I don't screw it up as a lot is riding on this. It's a really great position with the airport in our city for a 6 month contract for now. This will be my first "not-someone-else's-bitch-job". I'm really excited but I just feel so down on myself because I'm not sure if I'm up for the job. I mean intellectually....I hope I don't let anyone down.
Tonight we'll be going to the bank to see about a loan for the lawyer's retainer fee. I hope we get it...or some at least so we can get the ball rolling as we only have one year left to pursue this. I am very antsy to start working on this because it's in the back of my head every day. So please people, keep your fingers crossed that we get approved.
So that's it...I'll see how everything goes.
But on to what's new...or old. Just found out this week that the mycoplasma infection is still there. :( That means another round of antibiotics but this time for 28 days. Then 1 week wait to be retested and then 3 weeks to wait for the results after that. So it's going to be a long time before we can even think of trying let alone a pregnancy. I was upset at first, but then the antidepressant kicked in (ha) and said "no look at this as a positive thing" :) ...so we'll take something positive out of this and use this time to work on our relationship and strengthening it. Don't get me wrong, I am so SO bitter about not being able to try but I guess I have to let go of my control issues and just let the antibiotic do its thing. I just pray that I am able to clear the infection. I read that some people can't clear it at all, for some it takes a whole year and for some the only thing that clears it is IV antibiotics. Yikes...I knew the first round of 5 day antibiotics wouldn't clear it. I just had a feeling. I love my feelings, they are always right.
Anyways on the plus side, we're getting a dog!!
His name is Marley and he's so cute, we haven't met him and are only on stage 3 of the adoption process but we're hoping in another week or two we'll be able to bring him home to meet his new family. We started the process three weeks ago so I truly hope it's soon. We love animals and I think if we had a huge-huge house, we'd probably adopt even more. I don't know how I'm going to keep up with all the hair. I can already make a daily pillow out of our cats shedded hair. Also, another new thing, I finally found a job. Wow...that feels good to write. I hope I don't screw it up as a lot is riding on this. It's a really great position with the airport in our city for a 6 month contract for now. This will be my first "not-someone-else's-bitch-job". I'm really excited but I just feel so down on myself because I'm not sure if I'm up for the job. I mean intellectually....I hope I don't let anyone down.
Tonight we'll be going to the bank to see about a loan for the lawyer's retainer fee. I hope we get it...or some at least so we can get the ball rolling as we only have one year left to pursue this. I am very antsy to start working on this because it's in the back of my head every day. So please people, keep your fingers crossed that we get approved.
So that's it...I'll see how everything goes.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Results from the FS
We had our follow up appointment with the fertility specialist on Monday. You know, I wasn't really nervous but when we sat down the first words out of her mouth were "we have some things to cover" and I saw a sheet in front of me that was highlighted. Good news is that my plumbing seems to all be in working order which is a relief because I know that pregnancy or c-section or endometritis hasn't affected anything for the long term.
On the down side she did say we both have mycoplasmic infection...I guess it's some sort of bacterial infection. I was shocked thinking we have STD's lol...I kept asking how can one get this and she just kept saying "it comes from your gut". What causes it - it comes from your gut, will it come back - it comes from your gut. Um ok.....I think she just blabs whatever when she doesn't know the answer. I'd rather have an answer like "well our medical advances are not quite sophisticated enough to predict where these bacteria originate from". That's an honest answer.
Then she started talking about IUI and or IVF with ICSI. Ugh...I am hoping that clearing up this infection might be the key to unlocking our issues. I've been reading a lot about it thanks to a great lady from BBC. There are quite a few studies out there that show that infertility is linked to bacterial infections. We go back to get retested in 2 weeks. The bad news on top of this is that we have to stop TTC until it's all cleared up. So no touchie...and if in 2 weeks it's not cleared up then we have to do another round of antibiotics for 28 days!! Oh gawd I hope it doesn't come to that...it's so hard feeling my body gearing up for ovulation and not being able to do anything about it.
So fingers crossed...on the plus side I went in and finally got some anti-anxiety pills. I was really reluctant to, because that would be admitting that I needed help and that I can't cope by myself and sort of admitting defeat. Honestly...3 days after starting them I felt 80% better. Now a week later I feel 90% better. Like I can cope with whatever life throws at me. I'm not one for these drugs because a) they never worked in the past and b) I'm TTC...but she assured me that we'd wean me off as soon as I find out I'm pregnant. So that's a relief...I am just SO glad I feel better. It's amazing what this little pill can do. Right now I would be in such a depressed mode with all this bad news thrown at us lately but instead I feel like I can handle it, I feel hopeful still.
That's exactly what I needed...hope.
On the down side she did say we both have mycoplasmic infection...I guess it's some sort of bacterial infection. I was shocked thinking we have STD's lol...I kept asking how can one get this and she just kept saying "it comes from your gut". What causes it - it comes from your gut, will it come back - it comes from your gut. Um ok.....I think she just blabs whatever when she doesn't know the answer. I'd rather have an answer like "well our medical advances are not quite sophisticated enough to predict where these bacteria originate from". That's an honest answer.
Then she started talking about IUI and or IVF with ICSI. Ugh...I am hoping that clearing up this infection might be the key to unlocking our issues. I've been reading a lot about it thanks to a great lady from BBC. There are quite a few studies out there that show that infertility is linked to bacterial infections. We go back to get retested in 2 weeks. The bad news on top of this is that we have to stop TTC until it's all cleared up. So no touchie...and if in 2 weeks it's not cleared up then we have to do another round of antibiotics for 28 days!! Oh gawd I hope it doesn't come to that...it's so hard feeling my body gearing up for ovulation and not being able to do anything about it.
So fingers crossed...on the plus side I went in and finally got some anti-anxiety pills. I was really reluctant to, because that would be admitting that I needed help and that I can't cope by myself and sort of admitting defeat. Honestly...3 days after starting them I felt 80% better. Now a week later I feel 90% better. Like I can cope with whatever life throws at me. I'm not one for these drugs because a) they never worked in the past and b) I'm TTC...but she assured me that we'd wean me off as soon as I find out I'm pregnant. So that's a relief...I am just SO glad I feel better. It's amazing what this little pill can do. Right now I would be in such a depressed mode with all this bad news thrown at us lately but instead I feel like I can handle it, I feel hopeful still.
That's exactly what I needed...hope.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Our 1st Meeting With the Lawyer
I'm not sure where to start. Our lawyer has 30 years experience in malpractice suits. He has a firm downtown Toronto and seems very reasonable realistic and to the point. Which I like. He is older and somehow that makes me feel more comfortable.
When we first got in there he reviewed all the info we brought him, records, the autopsy report. He took 30 mins to go through it in silence. Then he sat back in his chair, took his glasses off and told us word for word what we were told by the specialist at Mt. Sinai. That our baby had died at the hands of the OB during the c-section. That she should have never even attempted a vacuum extraction with the baby at +1 station. That the autopsy report is wrong, that this type of hemorrhage is incredibly severe and is clearly from injury. That the OB should have used forceps and shouldn't have even come to the point of c-section. Most importantly, that I was left in 2nd stage labour for too long. I dilated at around 11:30pm to 10cms. I wasn't told to start pushing by the midwives until 3am. At 4:30am the OB was called in. At 5:47 our son was born. I was shocked because I didn't think the midwives did anything wrong. But I guess they will have to explain as well why I was left to labour at 10cms for so long. Anyways in the end it's the OB that caused his demise.
"Great!" I thought..."now lets sue her pants off so she is as scarred as we are!"...oh but no it's not that easy. He said due to Canadian law, basically our baby is not important, not human. Had he been born and ended up mentally handicapped or physically challenged then we would have a very open and shut case. Because he died, we will pretty much get enough to cover the court costs. Ok that's fine...but the point is that the lower the amount, the less it affects the insurance company of the hospital, the less it matters to the hospital, the less the doctor gets reprimanded for what she did. Basically we were told that Canadian law is not like the U.S where you have Wrongful Death suits. If we did then we would win our case, she would lose her licence or be suspended, basically we and our deceased son would have rights. But it's not like that...he doesn't have rights...in Canada's eyes, our judiciary system he did not exist.
That stings.
The lawyer said he will take us on. He works on contingency so he wouldn't take us on if he didn't believe we would win. But he said not to expect too much because it doesn't matter since he's deceased. He did say one important thing though. The more cases like these appear, the more medical practices will be changed. Maybe one day Canada will recognize these like the United States. He said "that OB will be a better doctor because of this"...great...she shouldn't be a doctor at all.
WE LOST OUR SON BECAUSE OF HER NEGLIGENCE!!! And can you believe it means nothing in Canada's judiciary system?? I don't know what to do about this...but I have a feeling that I won't rest until the law is changed. I think it might take until I'm 40 maybe 50 years old...but my son's voice has to be heard.
She killed our son...not on purpose but by merely being careless. Why is this okay? I just don't understand...I don't even know where to start. I keep replaying the video in my head. It makes so much sense. His heart was beating loud and clear 5 mins before she cut me open. The she killed him and silently sewed me up. Why didn't the nurses speak up? Would they know?
All I know is that once that hospital is handed their papers, everyone is going to be scrutinized. From our midwives to the nurses to the OB, the anesthesiologist, to the person who cleans the OR floor. Everyone. I don't mean harm...but I hope they are ready.
When we first got in there he reviewed all the info we brought him, records, the autopsy report. He took 30 mins to go through it in silence. Then he sat back in his chair, took his glasses off and told us word for word what we were told by the specialist at Mt. Sinai. That our baby had died at the hands of the OB during the c-section. That she should have never even attempted a vacuum extraction with the baby at +1 station. That the autopsy report is wrong, that this type of hemorrhage is incredibly severe and is clearly from injury. That the OB should have used forceps and shouldn't have even come to the point of c-section. Most importantly, that I was left in 2nd stage labour for too long. I dilated at around 11:30pm to 10cms. I wasn't told to start pushing by the midwives until 3am. At 4:30am the OB was called in. At 5:47 our son was born. I was shocked because I didn't think the midwives did anything wrong. But I guess they will have to explain as well why I was left to labour at 10cms for so long. Anyways in the end it's the OB that caused his demise.
"Great!" I thought..."now lets sue her pants off so she is as scarred as we are!"...oh but no it's not that easy. He said due to Canadian law, basically our baby is not important, not human. Had he been born and ended up mentally handicapped or physically challenged then we would have a very open and shut case. Because he died, we will pretty much get enough to cover the court costs. Ok that's fine...but the point is that the lower the amount, the less it affects the insurance company of the hospital, the less it matters to the hospital, the less the doctor gets reprimanded for what she did. Basically we were told that Canadian law is not like the U.S where you have Wrongful Death suits. If we did then we would win our case, she would lose her licence or be suspended, basically we and our deceased son would have rights. But it's not like that...he doesn't have rights...in Canada's eyes, our judiciary system he did not exist.
That stings.
The lawyer said he will take us on. He works on contingency so he wouldn't take us on if he didn't believe we would win. But he said not to expect too much because it doesn't matter since he's deceased. He did say one important thing though. The more cases like these appear, the more medical practices will be changed. Maybe one day Canada will recognize these like the United States. He said "that OB will be a better doctor because of this"...great...she shouldn't be a doctor at all.
WE LOST OUR SON BECAUSE OF HER NEGLIGENCE!!! And can you believe it means nothing in Canada's judiciary system?? I don't know what to do about this...but I have a feeling that I won't rest until the law is changed. I think it might take until I'm 40 maybe 50 years old...but my son's voice has to be heard.
She killed our son...not on purpose but by merely being careless. Why is this okay? I just don't understand...I don't even know where to start. I keep replaying the video in my head. It makes so much sense. His heart was beating loud and clear 5 mins before she cut me open. The she killed him and silently sewed me up. Why didn't the nurses speak up? Would they know?
All I know is that once that hospital is handed their papers, everyone is going to be scrutinized. From our midwives to the nurses to the OB, the anesthesiologist, to the person who cleans the OR floor. Everyone. I don't mean harm...but I hope they are ready.
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